kansaspoker
04-10-2005, 09:45 AM
I stole this from a guy who kind of compiled this list from a poker forum of funny lines heard at a poker table. A lot of them made me laugh out loud. Enjoy.
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Here's one from my weekly home game. Actually my Brother-In-Law said it, and still swears by it. He called an all-in bet pre-flop with 3 4 ! Naturally, he spiked two 4's, and when questioned about his call he said :
"Small suited connectors - Better than a pair."
That's the weekly line now. I think he got that one from Vince Van PAtten.
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Corollary to the "threes are hot tonight" line, the other night I heard a regular say, after a player picked up, "I'm taking the 1 seat. That seat is HOT!"
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Heard these last weekend in a 3/6/12 game:
"I need to play in a bigger game, people will play any trash at this table"
On the river, "Does a full house beat a flush?"
After losing a showdown, "I knew exactly what you had"
"I've seen almost every flop and still end up losing my a$$!"
"When I play high-cards, I lose. When I play low-cards, I lose. I don't know what else to play anymore!"
"This low-limit $hit (Hold 'Em game) aint poker...it's 2 card bingo! Hey floorman, put me on the 4-8 Omaha!"
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2 friends sitting at the same table..."Hey Joe, you sat down 15 minutes ago, aren't you going to say hello?" Joe says, "Oh, Steve! Hi, how are you? I didn't recognize you...you've got chips in front of you!"
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playing a NL game with friends, i had AA, and after many raises and reraise preflop, we got all in. he had JJ, and spiked his J on the flop. someone asked him how he couldn't put me on Aces, and he replied "well i did for a minute, and thought if he had AA then my JJ is as good as KK and i'm not folding KK."
it still cracks me up thinking about it.
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I make TPTK (top pair top kicker) on an all heart flop, I bet the whole way. As I am dragging the pot, the woman in the 10 seat says, "I only called the whole way because I knew you didn't have the Flush..."
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2-4 Foxwoods game, very loose passive, sitting next to guy I had been talking to for a while and he clearly thinks he is the best player in the game. He open raises UTG gets called in about 27 places (like every raise did in this game), at the end of the hand shows down 10-3o and his hand is way no good, when I asked why he played the hand he said "I was trying to steal the blinds"
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"I hate playing pocket aces, 'cause they never win"
(Heard someone bitching this while I was raising the pot with pocket aces. I won the pot.)
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"I can't believe she beat me with trip deuces."
(What? You'd rather your Ace-crap offsuit be beat by trip kings?)
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"All I got was pocket crap."
or
"If I could figure out how to play 62o, I'd be a millionaire."
(Both me, in response to people being annoyed that I'm folding so many hands pf. Typically, when I utter the second of those two, it's followed by a flop of 662, and a hearty round of laughter over what a crappy player I am for folding my 62o. I very much enjoy what that laughter holds for my future.)
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"When you raised me on the river, I realized you might have something."
(like my flop and turn raises didn't count. I'm glad they didn't.)
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Player 1: "I'm so stuck I have to hit the bad beat just to get even."
Player 2: "At least you have outs."
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my personal favorite
"these players are so bad you just can't beat this game"
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Recent home game, NL tournament. I limp in with QJ. Flop comes QJ7. I check, buddy bets T75. I check raise to T300. He calls.
Turn comes a 9, also putting two clubs on the board. I go all in. He calls. We both had about T1000, so we're basically both all in.
He says "I know you have the straight". Ok, then why'd you call? I table my cards, he sees my top two pair. He has A7s for bottom pair. However, he does have a flush draw, so I can't really argue with him calling, I don't agree that it was a good play, but its not a terrible play. Anyway, the funny thing is , before the dealer flips the river, he says " I have a lot of outs, I need any club (one would have boated me) or a 7.
I say, "or an Ace" at the same time the Ace of Spades falls on the River. And its side game action for me.
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I heard these two this weekend. Both were uttered by different opponents, but both loose passive calling stations nonetheless. They both soon ran out of money (I wonder why??????).
Line 1: 72 is garbage, but if they're suited, you gotta play them! (What a novel idea! Play suited garbage! I'll have to play that from UTG!)
Line 2: Why would you raise with AK?!? AK isnt really a hand! (I almost fell out of my chair on this one!)
Ahh, some of the wonderful things you hear at the low limit tables!
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Here's one I heard once during my 4-8 limit days:
"7's are on FIRE!!"
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Sounds a lot like the games at the Isle...
I flop a flush holding K Q . Lady bets, I call. Lady bets the turn, I raise, she reraises, I call. Lady bets the river, I call....She turns over two pair (caught on the turn). When I show my K-High flush, she says "well, it's good to know he'll raise without having the nuts!" !!!
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From last night's lodge tourney. Guy who limped 4/5 hands and raised the others. "You can't win if you don't see the flop."
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Heh. Someone in a pokerstars .02/.04 game chat accused me of having the site rigged when my AQ outkicked his A3o.
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Funny article from Daniel Negreanu... Here is a exerpt from an old article...
When charity casinos were first legalized, it was poker heaven. They played 11-handed limit hold’em, and I can honestly say that in my first three sessions of play at Lucky Star (one of the charity casinos), I was the only player who ever folded before the flop. One of the geniuses in the game even laughed at me when I folded, saying, “How can you fold now when you don’t even know what cards are coming on the flop?” This guy played at Lucky Star for six months straight, on a daily basis. It’s funny, though, I haven’t seen him since.
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Here's one from my weekly home game. Actually my Brother-In-Law said it, and still swears by it. He called an all-in bet pre-flop with 3 4 ! Naturally, he spiked two 4's, and when questioned about his call he said :
"Small suited connectors - Better than a pair."
That's the weekly line now. I think he got that one from Vince Van PAtten.
************************************************** ****************************************
Corollary to the "threes are hot tonight" line, the other night I heard a regular say, after a player picked up, "I'm taking the 1 seat. That seat is HOT!"
************************************************** ****************************************
Heard these last weekend in a 3/6/12 game:
"I need to play in a bigger game, people will play any trash at this table"
On the river, "Does a full house beat a flush?"
After losing a showdown, "I knew exactly what you had"
"I've seen almost every flop and still end up losing my a$$!"
"When I play high-cards, I lose. When I play low-cards, I lose. I don't know what else to play anymore!"
"This low-limit $hit (Hold 'Em game) aint poker...it's 2 card bingo! Hey floorman, put me on the 4-8 Omaha!"
************************************************** ****************************************
2 friends sitting at the same table..."Hey Joe, you sat down 15 minutes ago, aren't you going to say hello?" Joe says, "Oh, Steve! Hi, how are you? I didn't recognize you...you've got chips in front of you!"
************************************************** ****************************************
playing a NL game with friends, i had AA, and after many raises and reraise preflop, we got all in. he had JJ, and spiked his J on the flop. someone asked him how he couldn't put me on Aces, and he replied "well i did for a minute, and thought if he had AA then my JJ is as good as KK and i'm not folding KK."
it still cracks me up thinking about it.
************************************************** ****************************************
I make TPTK (top pair top kicker) on an all heart flop, I bet the whole way. As I am dragging the pot, the woman in the 10 seat says, "I only called the whole way because I knew you didn't have the Flush..."
************************************************** ****************************************
2-4 Foxwoods game, very loose passive, sitting next to guy I had been talking to for a while and he clearly thinks he is the best player in the game. He open raises UTG gets called in about 27 places (like every raise did in this game), at the end of the hand shows down 10-3o and his hand is way no good, when I asked why he played the hand he said "I was trying to steal the blinds"
************************************************** ****************************************
"I hate playing pocket aces, 'cause they never win"
(Heard someone bitching this while I was raising the pot with pocket aces. I won the pot.)
************************************************** ****************************************
"I can't believe she beat me with trip deuces."
(What? You'd rather your Ace-crap offsuit be beat by trip kings?)
************************************************** ****************************************
"All I got was pocket crap."
or
"If I could figure out how to play 62o, I'd be a millionaire."
(Both me, in response to people being annoyed that I'm folding so many hands pf. Typically, when I utter the second of those two, it's followed by a flop of 662, and a hearty round of laughter over what a crappy player I am for folding my 62o. I very much enjoy what that laughter holds for my future.)
************************************************** ****************************************
"When you raised me on the river, I realized you might have something."
(like my flop and turn raises didn't count. I'm glad they didn't.)
************************************************** ****************************************
Player 1: "I'm so stuck I have to hit the bad beat just to get even."
Player 2: "At least you have outs."
************************************************** ****************************************
my personal favorite
"these players are so bad you just can't beat this game"
************************************************** ****************************************
Recent home game, NL tournament. I limp in with QJ. Flop comes QJ7. I check, buddy bets T75. I check raise to T300. He calls.
Turn comes a 9, also putting two clubs on the board. I go all in. He calls. We both had about T1000, so we're basically both all in.
He says "I know you have the straight". Ok, then why'd you call? I table my cards, he sees my top two pair. He has A7s for bottom pair. However, he does have a flush draw, so I can't really argue with him calling, I don't agree that it was a good play, but its not a terrible play. Anyway, the funny thing is , before the dealer flips the river, he says " I have a lot of outs, I need any club (one would have boated me) or a 7.
I say, "or an Ace" at the same time the Ace of Spades falls on the River. And its side game action for me.
************************************************** ****************************************
I heard these two this weekend. Both were uttered by different opponents, but both loose passive calling stations nonetheless. They both soon ran out of money (I wonder why??????).
Line 1: 72 is garbage, but if they're suited, you gotta play them! (What a novel idea! Play suited garbage! I'll have to play that from UTG!)
Line 2: Why would you raise with AK?!? AK isnt really a hand! (I almost fell out of my chair on this one!)
Ahh, some of the wonderful things you hear at the low limit tables!
************************************************** ****************************************
Here's one I heard once during my 4-8 limit days:
"7's are on FIRE!!"
************************************************** ****************************************
Sounds a lot like the games at the Isle...
I flop a flush holding K Q . Lady bets, I call. Lady bets the turn, I raise, she reraises, I call. Lady bets the river, I call....She turns over two pair (caught on the turn). When I show my K-High flush, she says "well, it's good to know he'll raise without having the nuts!" !!!
************************************************** ****************************************
From last night's lodge tourney. Guy who limped 4/5 hands and raised the others. "You can't win if you don't see the flop."
************************************************** ****************************************
Heh. Someone in a pokerstars .02/.04 game chat accused me of having the site rigged when my AQ outkicked his A3o.
************************************************** ****************************************
Funny article from Daniel Negreanu... Here is a exerpt from an old article...
When charity casinos were first legalized, it was poker heaven. They played 11-handed limit hold’em, and I can honestly say that in my first three sessions of play at Lucky Star (one of the charity casinos), I was the only player who ever folded before the flop. One of the geniuses in the game even laughed at me when I folded, saying, “How can you fold now when you don’t even know what cards are coming on the flop?” This guy played at Lucky Star for six months straight, on a daily basis. It’s funny, though, I haven’t seen him since.
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